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Prediction for “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker”

Be ye warned…!

I intend with this post to make predictions about the plot of Star Wars 9: The Rise of Skywalker. If I happen to get anything right, your experience viewing the film might be altered. Even if I’m not, the ideas I put forth below may nonetheless alter your viewing experience, so if you are not really super into fan theories and speculation, I would encourage you to read no further.

(At least not until later.)

[Warning – Spoilers!]

With the initial reveal of the film’s title, The Rise of Skywalker, my first thoughts were to the obvious turning of Kylo Ren from the Dark Side to the Light, him being the only known genetic relative to the other protagonists of the saga: Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, and Leia Organa.

This would fulfill certain aspects of the plot as they have so far been presented, but it is also not terribly clever. It feels like a bit of a red herring, meant to distract us from what will really happen.

Recently, I stumbled upon a slightly more intriguing idea….

Because in the promotional material released, we find the haunting presence of Emperor Palpatine – first super-villain of the whole franchise – promised to make a terrifying return. It will be hard to find an enemy of greater stature within the confines a single, final film, and so we can rest assured that he will be our Big Bad Boss at the end.


But that opens up the possibility of shifting the crucial moment I had previously believed was lying in wait with Kylo to, perhaps, him.

Reinforced by the now very-well-demonstrated talent of writer and director, J. J. Abrams, not to create anything new with his monster gigs, but rather to simply rehash what had been good ideas before, it would follow that a similar formula to Return of the Jedi might have served as his roadmap for The Rise of Skywalker, in the same way that A New Hope had been copy/pasted into the body of The Force Awakens.

If so, that would give us a heightened moment at the film’s climax where, just as Darth Vader experienced a major character shift and managed to redeem himself, the pieces would now be in place for Emperor Palpatine to do likewise: by renouncing his evil ways, restoring balance to the Force, saving the galaxy, or whatever.

But how to get there?

All the Jedi are shooting blanks.

There are two Sides of the Force, and it had been an old Jedi oversimplification (lie) to believe that one was simply “good” and the other “evil,” a subtle distinction which Luke tried to point out to Rey in The Last Jedi. The Light and Dark are two sides of the same coin; both evil and both good, in different ways.

I contend that one quality, or perhaps side-effect, of using the Light Side of the Force is that it causes impotence.

Celibacy seems an odd stipulation for being a Jedi, doesn’t it? You’d think Jedi Masters would make excellent parents. And not yet has this quirky, Jedi-specific trait ever really been satisfactorily explained. Abrams has promised that Episode 9 will deliver a “satisfying” ending. I’m sure he won’t mention midi-chlorians again, but this issue might come up.

Because meanwhile you have the Sith, who actually specialize in Life Magic – making it last unnaturally longer, saving it from the brink of loss, and revoking it from whomever they choose with frightening ease. They are the masters of creation: of life and, necessarily, of death.

Which explains why the Sith tend to seek galactic domination: being Supreme Emperor of the Universe would make you into the patron (father) of all beings within it. They want to have as many kids as possible – even if they have to forcibly adopt, at blasterpoint, every last living being. In short…

…the Sith just want to be everyone’s daddy!

Which is, ironically, not as starkly evil a motivation as theirs had originally been presented. It becomes a matter of perspective. The Jedi, on the other hand, strive to be that aloof old uncle who lives alone as a hermit out in the desert, and who creepily watches you growing up from a distance….


While the Sith passionately pursue control over life in every way, the Jedi shrink away from it. In fact, Jedi seek to stoically embody the exact opposite of “being alive” – as is tellingly evidenced by a Jedi’s final form: a bodiless and transient ghostly apparition.

The celibacy of the Jedi also happens to dovetail neatly with another detail: that Anakin’s true switch to the Dark Side was not, in fact, the result of any darkening of his heart, or corruption of his conscious, but was rather the manifestation of having fathered children with Padmé, since dabbling in the creation (or destruction) of life is the purview of the Sith alone.

The Big Reveal

Which brings us to the Big Reveal at the end. All this lead-up and background coloration is fun, but the real twist will come when it is made known that Emperor Palpatine was the one to impregnate Shmi Skywalker – Anakin’s mother – and is therefore Darth Vader’s father, Luke Skywalker’s grandfather, and Kylo Ren’s great-grandfather.

First thing to notice here is that their apparent relative ages seem to line up nicely. As do their species.

This sets up the motivation for Palpatine to somehow redeem himself for an extremely long lifetime filled pretty full with galactic warfare and planetary destruction, when we learn that he is the true progenitor of the entire Skywalker lineage, and it was he all along who had been prophesied to restore balance to the Force.

And what a big balance that will be to restore!

The Jedi were becoming corrupted by their ever-growing power and influence throughout the galaxy, and Palpatine’s manufactured war was actually a necessary check on their power. Order 66? A lamentable, but unavoidable, decision – the only way to ensure that future events would occur… (ahem) “according to my design…” and guarantee the safety and security of the universe forevermore, looking at the bigger picture.

There’s a potential argument to be made here for Palpatine’s goodness. In a twisted, extremely-tough-love sort of way, he might be made out to be savior of the universe.

With this deeply-buried family secret finally made known, Palpatine can undergo a revolutionary change of heart, poetically mimicking the one of his son, Darth Vader, that nearly killed him three movies ago, and J. J. Abrams can have his neatly bow-tied ending to nine films worth of twists and turns and prophecy and exploding Death Stars, and everyone can leave the theatre feeling awed, surprised, and satisfied.

Well. That is, unless you’ve read this.








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Review: “Basic Glitch” by Stephanie Salazar-Amaro

Featured as an official selection of 2019’s Broadway Bound Theatre Festival,”Basic Glitch” is a new full-length play by up-and-coming playwright, Stephanie Salazar-Amaro.

The story details the strange journey of Ramona, a woman with a dysfunctional reproductive system, as she seeks to repair her body the same way she would repair any other broken device: by taking a number at the Customer Service department.

In the unique and fascinating world of Salazar-Amaro, there exists an agency known as “the Center” which can help you fix problems with your own body like the Geek Squad can with your computer.

In the unique and fascinating world of Salazar-Amaro, there exists an agency known as “the Center” which can help you fix problems with your own body like the Geek Squad can with your computer.

The ensuing experience manages to be both bizarrely fantastical and strikingly familiar at the same time. To great ironic effect, Salazar-Amaro explores the deeply intimate nature of reproductive health through the starkly lifeless lens of modern-day corporate bureaucracy.

The plot starts off narrowly focused at the outset, before new elements get introduced and side-quests develop, diverging the show’s structure from a singular, unified story into something more like an amalgamation of stories.

Ramona is played by Cassi Torres, who shines as the lynchpin upon which the entire show turns. On Torres’s shoulders rest the majority of the dramatic weight, as her character faces the realities of a having a human body on one hand, and the social pressures of being a woman on the other.

Laura Kay is a comedic powerhouse. In the role of Magda, our plucky customer service representative, Kay fumbles and bumbles her way through trying to help Ramona, while clutching desperately to the only thing that truly matters to her: maintaining her antiquated filing system. Whether it’s her embodiment of a goofy neurosis, a well-timed facial reaction, or just some good ol’ slapstick – Kay is uniformly hilarious.

Patricia Perales breathes vivacious life into her role as Ramona’s aunt, Leanore, the big-hearted “Tía” who only wants what’s best for her family… and God help anyone who gets in her way!

Perales, along with her character, is bilingual, and a fine balance is struck between the flavor of a second language within the play, and basic intelligibility – one that I count as a credit to both the actor and the playwright.

But it’s Thomas Valdez who steals the show as Lino, the lowly, unpaid intern who’s so dedicated to his job that he will stop at nothing to deliver top-notch customer service to a client! …There’s just one problem: he’s not officially cleared to actually speak to any of them.

Valdez is effortlessly endearing, and brings an enthusiastic, boyish charm to the stage.

Valdez is effortlessly endearing, and brings an enthusiastic, boyish charm to the stage.

Salazar-Amaro invented a wonderful world for this show, and used it wisely to raise many worthy and thought-provoking questions. However some of her mysteries remained awfully mysterious for my curious tastes, particularly regarding the rules governing her world, and at times regarding the undisclosed agendas of characters.

Ashley Kristeen Vega makes quite the splash with her Off-Broadway directorial debut, helming a show that takes an honest (and sometimes uncomfortable) look at the more taboo aspects of womanhood. Teamed up with Salazar-Amaro’s script, “Basic Glitch” accomplishes this with grace, with humor, and with aplomb.

Catch “Basic Glitch” in the Lion Theatre at Theatre Row, August 7th, 9th, and 21st. Tickets can be found online, at the Broadway Bound Theatre Festival.








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Review: HBO’s 5-part Doctor Who miniseries “Chernobyl” a Victorious Triumph

Showrunner Craig Mazin has boldly chosen to reinvent the traditionally far-flung cosmic scope of Doctor Who from the ground up, using Chernobyl to introduce us to a newly intimate and much more self-contained world for our old familiar friends to explore.

Still set on the planet Earth, in the 1980s, the last of the Time Lords (who are called simply “scientists”) live in grim, dismal isolation from the rest of the universe under the oppressive rule of a shadowy state organization, ominously known only as “The Soviet Union.”

The Time Lords had earlier helped this state to harness the power of stars, giving it access to unlimited energy, but once they had passed the knowledge along, the Soviet Union betrayed them. Instead of the creation of a utopian society, as had been promised, they planned to use this dangerous new technology for other evil and nefarious purposes….

Having abused the technology the Time Lords gave them, a simple experiment gone wrong causes the unthinkable to happen: that’s when the full wrath of an out-of-control star is let loose on the surface of the planet Earth …and there’s only one man who can stop it.

Enter Jared Harris, the fourteenth Doctor.

Harris breathes a refreshingly large dose of human vulnerability into a character who, in previous regenerations, has been portrayed as stoic, emotionally distant, and sometimes quite fearless.

Harris is none of these. But what will still be familiar to fans of the long-running show are the core tenets central to the Doctor’s identity: first, that he’s super smart, and second, that he has two hearts.

The nuance and grace with which Harris approaches this iconic role are superbly executed, a performance marvellous enough to rival the likes of Tom Baker and David Tennant in the minds of fans the world over.

Emily Watson plays the Doctor’s companion, a staple of any Doctor Who story since the very beginning.

There have been many ways the companion has interacted with the Doctor, sometimes as a liability, sometimes as a challenger, sometimes as an inspiration, and sometimes as a mere sounding board off of which a rickety plot might be explicated to an audience.

Watson’s companion takes only the best of these from the milieu, forming a wholly new persona that blends the sophistication and class of a Romana, with the staggering capability of a Martha Jones, and the indomitable spirit of a Dona Noble, all rolled into a new fearsome, multidimensional character.

Stellan Skarsgård brings a much-needed anti-hero duality to the character of Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, reviving a beloved old role, but managing to take it to glorious new heights, as well as unplumbed depths….

This is a new type of Brigadier, one who is at times helping the Doctor, but at other times sabotaging him, the victim of his circumstance: a middle-man trapped in the gears of his world, squashed between the authority of his Soviet bosses on top, and the suffering of the Soviet people below. In the fascinating journey of Skarsgård’s Brigadier, no choice is an easy one.

Die-hard Whovians will be pleased to hear that even K-9 gets a cameo! Everyone’s favorite robot-dog from outer space makes a special appearance in Chernobyl to help our heroes as only he can, but I don’t want to give away any spoilers.

In this new Doctor Who adventure, Chernobyl, the performances are masterful, the special effects are spectacular, and the horror-movie makeup is wonderfully ghastly – but the science fiction…? Well, that leaves a little to be desired.

Because the main villain in this story is not any kind of sentient creature, but rather a purely evil and unfeeling thing – represented by a none too subtle Doorway to Hell – the exact workings of which never get fully explained. What does get explained, however, and at length, is just how ridiculously dangerous this mystical “technology” is.

For starters, it’s completely invisible – a fact that seems awfully convenient for the special effects department budget. And though you can’t see, nor hear, nor taste, nor smell it, its deadly force “radiates” outward in every direction, mercilessly microwaving whatever it passes through.

In the case of things like human bodies, this creates some truly grotesque outcomes, made all the more grotesque by the amount of time it might take for the injuries to fully manifest: sometimes in minutes, sometimes over the course of years. Indeed, it’s as if the writers sat down and drew up a list of all the most horrible things they could think of, and after they were done just threw a label on the top entitled, “Nuclear Fission,” and then called it a day.

For all the many unbelievable storylines and hokey plot devices in the great canon of Doctor Who – and there have certainly been some doozies! – this one might just take the cake. A gaping pit of death? A yawning hole in the ground, spewing hellfire, so fantastically deadly that merely looking at it can prove fatal? I’m sorry, but it’s a bit far-fetched, even for Doctor Who.

After all, where’s the metaphor? What does it represent? How could this be related to real life? Lacking any agency, what am I supposed to make of an unstoppable, destructive evil that’s evil only because it’s destructive, and destructive only because it’s evil? The whole thing is unfortunately circular, I’m afraid.

But I suppose it wouldn’t be Doctor Who without a little “timey-wimey,” or “it goes ding when there’s stuff,” now would it?

That was the lesson previous Who showrunner, Steven Moffatt, learned the hard way when he steered the franchise into a whole new direction with his offshoot, the BBC’s Sherlock, in 2010.

In that iteration, the Doctor, played by Benedict Cumberbatch, with Martin Freeman as his companion, showed us how the Doctor would solve incredible mysteries and resolve dire conflicts without the aid of any science-fictional deus ex machina whatsoever.

Moffatt’s aim with Sherlock was to tell the exact same kind of story as he had done with the 2005 Doctor Who reboot, but while keeping everything as “realistic” as possible, setting it in the present day, and only depicting technologies that actually existed.

The fatal flaw of Moffatt’s Sherlock Doctor, however, was in keeping too well with the youthful target age of his previous Doctor Who incarnation, which seemed to sink lower and lower with each new series. In short, it was a children’s show first, and something for discerning adults second (or maybe last).

That is, perhaps, where the greatest delight of Chernobyl comes from – in that it is a serious take on Doctor Who, with something serious to say, and it takes itself seriously while doing it.

And it is seriously a masterpiece.





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Review: “Catch the Sparrow” by Alex Mace

First-time playwright Alex Mace makes his off-Broadway debut with a captivating and emotionally intelligent new work produced by Isle of Shoals.

“Catch the Sparrow” tells the haunting story of a young man who goes back home to visit his estranged father upon receiving news that his father has been keeping a big secret – he’s dying of a terminal illness.

And that deception is just the starting point. Mace, who also directs the play, takes us on a journey that is alternatingly harrowing, hopeful, shocking, and insightful. The grotesquely malformed relationships he’s woven between his characters are like a car accident you can’t look away from. And yet each personality is securely anchored to the truth of their own humanity, making “Catch the Sparrow” a vividly personal story, and a tense, gripping play.

William Schineller plays the dying father, and he’s got such commanding gravitas, it’s as though he can conjure up post-traumatic stresses within you on the spot, somehow reminding you of an impending threat you never knew you already knew about. With impressive grace and measure, Schineller shows us a man who has given up on everything, yet is fighting like hell to get it back – a walking contradiction.

Also, his booming basso voice can roar like thunder.

The son, played by Dalton Rayce Fowler, is like the negative impression that his father’s existence left behind: anger where there had been bitterness, doubt where there had been certainty, detachment where there had been longing, and fiery heat where there had been chilling cold.

Fowler gives us the disturbingly accurate portrayal of a tortured young man, wracked by his own past, and torn apart by the crossroads where his future diverges from his present.

Melissa Eddy Quilty, Meredith M. Sweeney, and Tyler Joseph each add a supportive component to the story. Quilty, who’s performance will give me nightmares, and Sweeney, who is as secretly strong as she is openly sweet, act as foils for the two anti-heroes, father and son.

The show itself has excellent pacing and effective plot twists, but with so much going on at once, I found some of the characters’ motivations a bit mysterious at times.

The play digs down deep, and it gets dark there. But Mace’s clear vision drives every choice with artistic calculation and discrimination, delivering a superbly well-wrought piece of theater with something to say, something to feel, and something to give.






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Gilderam 2 Cover Art Reveal

With the completed manuscript of a first draft currently in editorial hands, “Chronicles of Gilderam, Book Two: Twilight” is tantalizingly close to publication.

In anticipation of this, here is the first look at its cover art, another masterpiece by the illustrious John Avon:

Click the image for better resolution.

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Spanish Cheat Sheet

After years studying Spanish, I finally arrogantly proclaimed that I could fit everything one would need to know in order to speak the language onto a single piece of paper. Well… I was close.

Here is my Spanish Cheat Sheet, in all its barely-four-page glory.

You see, Romance languages like Spanish use a special convention to conjugate verbs that makes them (technically speaking, anyway) extremely simple to learn. Note that I did not say “easy” – only that it’s simple. You still have to memorize a bunch of stuff and practice using it until you become proficient, just like with any language.

But if you know which bits to memorize first (i.e., how to conjugate verbs), you can leap way ahead in your acquisition of the language, rather than slowly floundering from one random word to the next (reading a dictionary), or from one arbitrary phrase to another (learning from immersion).

In all languages, a verb is a word that describes an action – something that is done, or happens, or occurs. To say anything meaningful, one usually needs a verb to serve as the core of their thought, and then various modifications to that verb can be thrown in to help get specific.

For example, in the above sentence, the single verb which served as the core of that thought was “need.” The structure of English demands to know who or what is doing the needing, and in this case that was “one,” or somebody, a hypothetical person. That’s it as far as the minimum for sensical English is concerned, but I went ahead and added in a lot of other detail anyway, such as “usually,” which put a distinct spin on just what sort of “need” that “one” had, making the whole thing more precise.

There’s a lot more going on under the hood there, but for the purposes of learning Spanish, I need only go on to say that what in English requires two separate words to get across (one + needs), Spanish can do with just one: the supremely elegant and efficient necesita.

In Spanish, the very word of the verb itself is altered slightly in order to form different aspects of the same action. This is called conjugation. “I need” is necesito. “You need” is necesitas. “We all need” is necesitamos.

And on and on it goes, so that a fully conjugated Spanish verb will tell us – in a single, jam-packed word – what the action is that’s taking place, who or what is performing it, even when it took place, is taking place, or will take place, and sometimes also to whom it’s being done!

The four-word English sentence “He will buy it” can be translated into a single word of Spanish: comprarála. That’s a lot of efficiency. And it’s the elucidation of exactly that efficiency which is the point of my cheat sheet, in order to facilitate the most painless experience possible for your progression into Spanish.

And on top of that, all Spanish spellings have a 1-to-1 ratio with the pronunciations, so it’s even super easy to read and write it, unlike most other languages.

Of course, what my cheat sheet is missing is sheer vocabulary – all the words for things you need to know in order to say specific stuff. But, unlike conjugations, there is no simple way to learn all that (aside from reading a dictionary, which can be kind of fun), so that part of language acquisition will have to come with time.

As you’ll see, the verbal conjugation endings are bit dry to memorize by rote, but luckily there aren’t very many of them, at least not as far as basic fluency is concerned. And the payoff is enormous.

Once you get the hang of them, you will have forged for yourself a skeleton key to the entire language, and it will enable you to open infinite doors of communication.







Keyforge: a new card game by Richard Garfield

Keep your eyes on game store shelves at the end of 2018, because Keyforge – Richard Garfield’s latest work – is due for release, and it looks awesome.

I’ve long maintained that Magic: the Gathering, Richard Garfield’s first mega-hit, is the greatest game ever invented, and I have yet to encounter a product of his design that wasn’t at least great, if not quite as perfect as Magic. And a big part of why Keyforge looks so fun is because it looks a lot like Magic, but with a little Vampire (another Garfield game) thrown in.

The main gimmick is that there is no deckbuilding – a striking departure from an entire genre of gaming (i.e. the Collectible Trading Card Game) which Garfield himself could rightfully be called the father of.

Instead, decks come as purchased, ready to play and not to be altered, and somehow Dr. Garfield (PhD-in-Recombinatorial-Mathematics-Smarty-Pants-Show-Off-Brainy-McBrainerson) has found a way to ensure a variety of over 104 quadrillion different decks, so each is unique.

Yes, you read that right: 104,000,000,000,000,000. Decks.

Apparently a “secret… sophisticated set of rules and processes” is behind it. Curious…. Very curious, indeed.

In the world of Keyforge, you’ve got 7 houses (ahem – Game of Thrones) instead of the 5 colors of Magic. And in place of Magic’s mana-based economy, each deck in Keyforge is always made of 3 houses: at the start of each turn you must pick 1 of them, then you can play all the cards you want to of that house that turn (at the low-low price of not being able to play cards from other houses). Pretty elegant, Garfield, but what else ya got?

Creatures, enchantments (upgrades), artifacts, and spells (actions) exist in both Magic and Keyforge (Keyforge terms in parenthesis), and appear to operate in pretty much the exact same way. Creatures enter summoning sick (exhausted), and auras (upgrades) are destroyed when the creature they’re enchanting goes away.

A neat twist here, though, is that your creatures form a line of battle, shoulder-to-shoulder, and their position in that line is relevant. When you play a new creature, it must enter on either flank, left or right.

During combat, and unlike Magic but a bit like Vampire, creatures fight other specific enemy creatures, and the genius power/toughness scheme of Magic is combined into a single power number, with the option of an additional “armor” number, which prevents incoming damage.

This subtle change is important because of the following improvement to one of Magic’s fundamental (and rather unintuitive) rules: damage does not magically (pun intended) vanish at the end of a turn, but rather it builds up, marked on the creatures with counters, and remains there until further notice. If a creature’s damage comes to equal its power, the creature dies.

Also interestingly, Keyforge’s turn order places “untap” and “draw” as the last two things you do:

1 – Cash in victory points (not at all what they’re called, but really what they are. In the story, you’re “forging keys to unlock the Architect’s secret Vault on the mysterious planet, Crucible,” but we all know what they really mean. It’s victory points.)

2 – Choose which house to use that turn

3 – Do stuff

4 – Untap

5 – (much like Vampire) Discard any number of cards in your hand of your chosen house, then draw back up to maximum hand size.

A lot of the fun of Magic is in the deckbuilding, and some of the best, beautiful bits of Vampire are hidden beneath a few unfortunate layers of needless complexity, so I am quite eager to see what Garfield has done with Keyforge. I see similarities to both in it, and I take that as a good omen.

With any luck he has forged together (pun intended) an amalgamation of good ideas from over the years into something new and – dare I wish it?! – even better.

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Review: “Alex & Eugene” by Bryan Williams

Suggested by Alexander Pushkin’s “Eugene Onegin,” Isle of Shoals‘ world premiere of Bryan William’s latest work, “Alex & Eugene,” is showing now through September 2nd at the Robert Moss Theatre in Astor Place.

Set in a contemporary New York City, this musical tells the tale of a love-filled band of vibrant young performers struggling to navigate careers, both personally and professionally. Set to a sweepingly diverse score by Williams – that is alternately jaunty and heartbreaking – our plucky crew encounters a sufficiently-dramatic degree of success… as well as tragic failure.

And “tragic” is no understatement, as the warning in the program hints:

“Please Note: Alex & Eugene is for mature audiences and contains partial nudity, gunshot sound effects, strong language and suicidal content.”

Without the warning, you would never see where the story was going from how it begins. The frivolity, joie de vivre, and outright fun had in the first part of the show sets a brutally effective counterpoint for the unfortunate turns of fate awaiting our characters later on.

In this way, Williams paints a Bob Ross still-life of a story, balancing broad strokes with minute details, so that the ultimate product is as viscerally gripping as it is intriguing, thought provoking, and inward-looking.

Eugene is played by Reggie Herold, who’s bone structure would indicate he is the son of Michelangelo’s left and right hands. Not only does he cut a mean profile, but he’s a powerful force on stage, often telling an entire story with a single glance – beginning, middle, and end. And sometimes an epilogue. (Once, also a trailer for the sequel.)

He’s an exciting actor to watch, especially opposite his co-star, Alex, played by Jae Shin. Shin’s performance as a stunted, socially-awkward struggling writer-type is as convincing as it is heartbreaking. Plus he plays guitar!

Anna Stefanic plays Tanya, Alex’s “twin” sister, and she is just as alight and engaging when off-focus as she is when taking center stage. I found myself watching her during other people’s performances just to see what she was doing – and was always entertained. Stefanic also has an incredible voice, uniquely deep and warm, mellifluous, like a tidal wave made of sunlight.

Independent love interest Esmé is played by the lovely Brittany Zeinstra, who radiates a sense of genuine authenticity and fully-formed personhood from head-to-toe, start-to-finish. Zeinstra demonstrates with aplomb the dynamic fluctuations her voice is capable of, somehow weaving together an endearingly sweet Rogers & Hammerstein style with the modern twang of Country Western, forming something new and beautiful, with a tone and character all her own.

Katherine Leidlien (Janie/Lana) and Noah Pyzik (Brandon/Chuck) get a nice featuring of their talents and delightful personalities in the song, “Not My Gay Best Friend,” which is not only cute, but feels wholly authentic. They became for me during that song two people I knew, friends of mine, and were no longer actors portraying characters.

Aja Downing, who plays another performer in the group, Cassandra, is naturally hilarious and it shines clearly through her performance. Her sweet, rich, and velvety voice in “Tell Him” offers glimpses at a hidden power beneath the surface….

The choreography by Alex Johnson is fresh, intelligent, and fun, and manages to tell the story as easily as it does elegantly.

The show makes a thing out of breaking the Fourth Wall, and no where is it used better than while the cast and crew moves set pieces around in the dark between scenes. When they do, we can hear the characters ad libbing with one another, and it serves to help keep us in the story at the precise time we’re likely to come out of it. When something happened to go audibly wrong during one set change, the slight malfunction became a hilarious moment of honesty, rather than merely a mistake.

The set utilized a clever series of benches that converted into ramps, and though I found them quite ingenious and well-used, they didn’t always appear to be super stable.

And don’t THINK I didn’t notice the Star Wars novel on the book shelf, Scenic Designer Jennilee Aromando! Props (pun intended).

Williams’ music uses sturdy melodies to support some truly masterfully-crafted vocal harmonies, reason enough to see the show right there. The whole soundtrack is an enchanting assortment that flows, changes, evolves, and ultimately spreads its wings and soars away into the sky. Some of the dialogue, meanwhile, doesn’t land as gracefully. To abuse a quote from the show: “‘Obdurate,’ Alex? Who says that?!”

Also to great theatrical effect, Williams takes full advantage of his own profound sonic talents by harnessing the negative space his music creates – well-placed silence.

Though it suffers from being a bit too long, “Alex & Eugene” does an expert job of setting up your emotional dominoes so it can topple them back down again in way that will resound in your soul. It tells an important story with a responsible touch, aiming to spread awareness, understanding, and love.

The Trevor Project

Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255

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The Ballad of Bucket Brown

By Kevin Kelleher. Inspired by Evan Diehl. Based on the true story of Tyler “Bucket” Brown.

Listen up children
and don’t make a sound,
as I tell ye the tale
of old Bucket Brown….

In an age long ago,
when backpacks were clear,
there was just one man
who would conquer fear.

None knew who it was
calling bomb threats in jest.
“I know!” said Admin.
“We’ll punish the rest.”

So came the decree
from on high, far and wide:
“See-through must they be,
so we know what’s inside!”

And like that were the stores
full of mesh bags, and plastic.
Selling packs by the scores
for this measure so drastic.

Cheaply made, worthless,
bad junk was it all.
For as soon as ‘twas packed,
out your things would soon fall.

Yet despite all the trouble,
and dumb backpacks bought,
the elusive threat caller
was still not yet caught.

So it was in this panic,
this sad state forlorn,
one man would stand tall –
and a hero was born.

A nondescript fellow
named after a color.
Until now he’d been mellow,
no different than any other.

Brown had just one desire,
though some think it weird.
In his heart burned a fire
to be vintagely geared.

To make music, to play
So oft dreams delay
for the whimsy of chance!

Midst translucent tote bags
our hero said, “Fuck it.
I’ll carry my shit
in a five gallon bucket.”

So fast did he fly
in the face of Admin,
was he banished, then vanished!
Never heard from again.

But swift as they were,
their verdict came too late.
The people’d seen, they had heard,
and thought the bucket was great.

There ‘rose a great fury
in protest – a tizzy!
A backlash so fierce
Admin reeled; left them dizzy.

With naught a leg left
to stand upon
they were forced to repeal
dread policy anon.

And up from the crowd
roared a cheer and a cry,
a “hurray!” so damn loud
it shook earth and the sky.

Merrily, then,
brought the students to school
backpacks of opacity.
It was the new rule.

The fiend gave up at last
calling threats on the joint.
Admin stopped canc’ling class,
which, of course, was the point.

“But whatever happened,”
they asked with a frown,
“to our noble, brave savior,
our friend, Bucket Brown?”

To this day no one knows,
and not one can say,
what became of that hero
who once saved the day.

Though next time you slink
through the Music Department,
give a listen and think
of a five gal compartment.

For then one might hear,
if a true sympathizer,
Old Bucket Brown
playing his synthesizer.

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Review: “Glassheart” by Reina Hardy

Everyday Inferno Theatre Company’s presentation of “Glassheart,” by Reina Hardy, directed by Anaïs Koivisto, is a thought-provoking reinvention of the classic fairy tale “Beauty and the Beast.”

Meghann Garmany (left) and Christopher Alexey Diaz in Glassheart

Our Beast, played by Christopher Alexey Diaz, is menacing both physically and emotionally. We meet him dressed in a fine suit, laying on the floor clutching a potted plant, while emitting an inhuman growl. We come to learn that he is the embodiment of a cruel juxtaposition: as freakishly well-read as he is antisocial, too cerebral for his own good. He can speak a dozen languages, yet cannot bare to exchange even simple pleasantries with a stranger. 

Diaz transforms himself into a character that’s at once frighteningly monstrous, and also tenderly human, leaving the audience to decide which side of the fence to put him on (…or not).

Carey Cox (left) and Meghann Garmany in Glassheart

Meghann Garmany artfully portrays the role of a humble lamp: the sole remaining member of the Beasts’ famous league of anthropomorphic magical household items. (The rest of them, she says, left for high-end hotels in Europe.)

Garmany’s character does not have a name, a fact which she uses to support the notion that she is a non-entity. The play goes on to explore that issue, which we quickly find to be fraught with contradiction, in great depth. 

And yet despite her jerky, android-like movements, and the cold, hard logic of her character…

Garmany manages to use those tools as a prism to distill for us a rare example of humanity that’s richer and more heartfelt than we, as real people in the audience, typically feel capable of, making Garmany’s performance truly inspiring to behold. 

In fact, though Garmany is not the Beauty nor the Beast, she manages to steal the show from both of them in the pursuit of her own heroic arc: one guided by love, rebirth, and self-sacrifice.

Carey Cox in Glassheart

But it takes the plucky playfulness of Aoife, played by the enchanting Carey Cox, to set the play’s events unfolding. Cox is instantly lovable, and gives us an incredibly real, honest, and true-to-life performance – contrasting nicely against the other much stranger characters. And yet, paradoxically, Cox convinces us she is genuine by shamelessly flaunting how quirky she is. The laundry list of things that make her different are more pedestrian, that is to say not supernatural (she’s really into her cat, for example), and thereby we come to identify with her.

Hardy’s witty dialogue will keep your ears busy, but I recommend you watch the faces of the characters on stage – particularly the ones who are not speaking – to witness some truly great acting. The phrase “darting expression” cannot do justice to what these actors accomplish on stage. Some incredibly heavy sentiment, and some truly hilarious comedy, is conveyed in a split-second flit of an eye, or the twinge of the corner of a mouth. Some really impressive attention to physical detail has been taken in these scenes, and it’s part of the charm of an intimately small theater like The Access Theater that everyone gets a close-up look.

Virigina Roncetti in Glassheart


Audiences are also treated to a wonderfully creepy performance of Virginia Roncetti’s Witch, who created my favorite moment in the entire show when she sings a song near the end – and I’m afraid you’ll have to see it yourself to know why. In line with this production’s orientation toward detail, the Witch is the only person who knows where to place the potted plant in order to make it grow….

I get tingles just thinking back on it.

And while most of the themes in this show are very timely, one aspect that doesn’t quite translate is the plot device of abducting a damsel for the purpose of inducing a Stockholm Syndrome in order to get her to fall in love with her captor. There was only a single line of dialogue which even came close to dealing with how not cool that is, and then it was never again mentioned. 


Glassheart is a play about weird people with problems, but in the exploration, we come to find that such weirdness lies at the heart of who we all are, and the further out we go from our perceived center, the closer we end up finding ourselves to the familiar, like a spectrum of color returning again upon itself – a cycle.

There are only four performances left in this short run: the 25th, 26th, 27th, and 28th of October, 2017, at 8pm.





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  • wise words

    JESTER: His Majesty's son, Prince Artemis and Lady Fallowmore!

    PRINCE: Please, just call me Artemis. I don't need that title.

    JESTER: All right...the "Artemis" formerly known as "Prince," and Lady Fallowmore!

    -Kevin Kelleher, "The Madrigal Dinner"

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